March 17, 2005 – Chang Kai Shek Airport Wednesday Night

March 17, 2005 – Chang Kai Shek Airport Wednesday Night

EVA flight BR-0027 brought me from San Francisco to Taipei to produce a daylong conference that came off on Tuesday, largely without a hitch and to the satisfaction of everyone who participated. The difficulty for me is comprehending what happened from the short compressed period of anxious anticipation on Sunday, last minute details on Monday the day before the event, the largely sleepless Monday night, then the great activity on Tuesday, followed by a denoucement that left me drained and somehow feeling abandoned. That’s how I was feeling on Wednesday evening walking about Chang Kai Shek airport two hours before EVA flight BR-0018 was scheduled to return me to California.

CKS International Airport is located in Dayuan County approximately 40 kilometers, or about 50 minutes by car or bus from Hsin Chu, where my event was held. I was in Terminal 2, home to Evergreen (EVA) Airlines as well as several others including Singapore, Air Canada, KLM, and United. The terminal sits in the cross member of an H-shaped building with the legs of the H containing the gates for all the airlines. I walked the length of both legs for an hour and a half before my flight took off thinking about the details of the past several days, trying to hold onto them, as they faded away into the past. Like an airplane taking off and the ground receding into the distance as the plane gains altitude, the memories of the Sunday through Tuesday were quickly becoming part of the past.

We go through our lives living from one memorable moment to the next. Some moments, a birthday, an anniversary, etc. are over in an evening when everyone comes together to celebrate. Others moments consume more time, the birth of a child, a wedding, the completion of college, your first million-dollar sale, the initial public offering of a start-up, the gold medal at the Olympics. All of these are the culmination of compounded labor invested over time, the preparation fundamental to the success of the final moment. When each of these moments occur, the many efforts that led up to them are finally released, a collective sigh—the breath expelled after being held in anticipation of something.

The emptiness I feel is the result of energy once expended in preparation and execution suddenly having nothing to spend itself upon. That is why I’m trudging restlessly along the long lengths of corridors inside Terminal 2 of Chang Kai Shek airport, walking off energy wanting some form of release. As I walk I’m reminded that almost a year ago, I was taking these same steps in the aftermath of our first event in Taiwan. The earlier differed from the present by being the first, but the feelings were the same. Looking back at both, the first has lost its distinction and clarity, compared to the second. It’s similar to being in a room with opposing mirrors and seeing the endless reflected image of yourself receding into each mirror. The closest one has the most distinction and clarity. That is the nature of time, a long sequence of repeated events, receding into, an increasingly indistinct past.

Trying to hold that moment of satisfaction, experienced when the last minute of the daylong event ends is futile I know; no different than standing in a stream and trying to restrain the flow. Just like the stream, time continues on leaving your moment behind. I’m left with beginning work, on the next moment that will just as swiftly come and go. The Myth of Sisyphus so succinctly encapsulates the nature of life.