September 18, 2005 – Gathering and Celebrating The Generations

September 18, 2005 – Gathering and Celebrating The Generations

One of the traditions of homecoming at our home in El Paso is the gathering of everyone except my mom and dad around the dinner table around 8:00 PM or so to engage in a game of Uno. At this homecoming on Sunday evening October 28, 2001, we had all three of my sisters, YM the oldest, CM, the middle child, and DD the youngest. In addition there were my wife IM, our two daughters ME and RD and their two husbands GS and TF, respectively. Our granddaughter EM was watching the adults play and my mom and dad were watching television, occasionally walking by and taking in the action around the dinner table for a while.

Uno is one of those card games that goes on forever and it encourages players to screw their neighbors. Each player is dealt a hand of seven cards with the remaining ones placed face down to form a “draw” pile. The top card of the “draw” pile is turned over to begin a “discard” pile. There are 19 each of blue, green, red, and yellow cards, each numbered from 0 to 9. In addition there are eight “Draw 2” cards, two each in blue, green, red, and yellow; another set of eight “Reverse” cards two each of the four colors in the deck; and a third set of eight “Skip” cards two each in the four colors. Finally, there are four “Wild” cards and Four “Wild Draw 4” cards.

Play begins with the first player looking at the “Discard” stack and matching the color or number on the face up card. The object of the game is to rid yourself of all you cards, while everyone around you is trying to do the same and concurrently trying to ensure their neighbors are not getting rid of cards but are amassing more. To ensure that your neighbors on either side acquire cards is the job of the “Draw” cards. Another means of forcing your neighbor to acquire cards is to discard a card they are not likely to be able to play on. If the next person in the flow of the game lacks a card with the color or number matching the discard showing and also lacks a “Wild” card that can allow him to match any discard, the player must continue to draw a card from the “Draw” pile until he finds one he can play. To annoy your neighbor on either side is the job of the “Reverse” and “Skip” cards. These cards, which come in the four basic colors, can be placed on the “Discard” pile to match the color showing—the player gets to discard while screwing his neighbor.

Games of Uno can go on for some time especially with a large number of players. You can also imagine the language that accompanies the game play as one player drops a “Draw 4” wild card on his/her neighbor. The other dynamic of the game is that everyone tends to gang up on the person with the smallest number of cards in his/her hand, singling them out for a “Draw 4” or “Reverse” or “Skip” card. The other aspect of the game is to shout “Uno” when you discard the second to the last card in your hand. Failure to do so results in anyone at the table yelling “Uno” while pointing an accusatory finger at the clueless player. The result is the clueless player must pick up two cards from the “Draw” pile.

The game’s greatest pleasure comes from the constant back and forth of players screwing one another as the game progresses. Among our daughters, their husbands, and IM and me, the game has always been a friendly rivalry that produces hours of laughs. Adding my three sisters to the game increases the laughter, especially as the youngest of my sisters bicker back and forth. CM, the middle sister is the one with the temper, which for the most part she keeps in check. The youngest one is the one that tends to niggle mercilessly during Uno. It starts out innocent enough, but over the course of the evening, CM’s annoyance grows and grows and finally she has enough, jumps up from the table with a face of great annoyance and DD attempting to suppress her uncontrollable giggling leaves the room to get control of herself. CM usually relents though this evening, she has to throw something to vent and play resumes.

My oldest sister is the diplomat of the three, mediating between the two younger ones to keep the peace. Engaging in a game of Uno with my three sisters, I’m reminded of my three siblings’ temperament and how we related to one another growing up. The game has removed the edge that youth had honed to razor sharpness. We’re young children again each with our own natures, clashing or complementing that of the others. DD and I were both provocateurs, picking on YM and CM. I’ve realized the error of my ways and now play Uno with my sisters as I play with my daughters: less concerned with winning and more with the engagement. YM is of the same mind, but DD, however, still plays to win.

Curiously, CM was once the “activities director” for the family get togethers, but that changed some years back and DD took on the responsibility. Each of my sisters is a “control freak” as am I. We tend to think in terms of being the only one who knows how something should be: what the correct wine to serve with dinner, for example—my contribution this year. CM is the master of the meal—a position she acquired when cooking became a bit too overwhelming for my mother. Like my mother CM’s sense of nurture is providing sustenance and ensuring everyone eats well. DD and CM are both nurses, but DD is the one who has become the modern day version of family “healer” to our daughters ME and RD, who have consulted her on the many ailments. CM has also become the “healer” to my mother and father, regulating their medications, taking their blood pressure on a regular base. She has also ministered to me: chiding me on my high-fat, high cholesterol diet; putting me on the treadmill at her cardiac care facility; checking my cholesterol level in blood work; and being the inspiration for my 30-year running regimen.

My sister YM is the one responsible for my parents’ well-being in all other matters. When my mother was hospitalized for an extended period some years back, it was YM who managed the emotional roller coaster my mother and father and CM rode throughout the time. She also managed the concerns of my youngest sister and I from our distant perches on either side of the country. YM is the one everyone turns to in a crisis. She seems to be able to keep her head and get everyone through the day when no one wants to make the journey.

We don’t get together in large family gathering as much now that ME and RD have babies of their own. The last time we were together, my parents’ newly expanded home was just large enough to contain the lot of us—including our first grandbaby EM. Now with four grandbabies, the house has become too small to contain all three generations, though somehow we will have to find a way to do so. Time gives us all deadlines whether we want them or not and coming together to celebrate ourselves while all of us are around to do so is an engagement we cannot postpone.