August 30, 2006 – Watching Grandkids Grow

August 30, 2006 – Watching Grandkids Grow

Sunday morning at around 9:30 IM and I get a call from our youngest daughter RF who lives in Irvine, where she decided to stay after graduating UC Irvine too many years ago. She works Sundays and she semcalls us on the way to work or during a slow spell at the office—Sunday mornings are typically slow. Some while back she bstarted working in the home building industry and took a break to have her oldest, a lovely girl, three-year old AF, named after a character in a Willa Cather novel, and her youngest—two-year old TF,ch named after one of King Arthur’s knights of the round table. stShe’s back working now that the two kiddos are off at preschool, though today they’re home sleeping in with their dad.

These two provide no end of amusement for IM and me. AF is a thin, wiry dynamo of a girl who talks a mile a minute—we’re often asking her to slow down so we can keep up with her endless stream of conversation. Waist high, AF has straight dark brown hair that reaches below her shoulders, a high forehead covered by her bangs that her right hand continuously removes from her smiling eager brown eyes. Those eyes are a marvel with a thin ring of autumn green around the pupils’s circumference—the right eye looks to me ever so slightly smaller than the left, and its easy to get lost in her lush brown eyebrows. She has her mom’s straight nose that points without drawing attention to itself. Her rosy full lower lip complements her thin upper one and both reveal her top four front teeth when she smiles, which is often and always when you’re pointing a camera at her, something that happens quite a lot. From an early age, she has understood the function of a camera and has presented it with a varied repertoire of poses: coy, serious, devilish, playful, head cocked pensive, straight on saying hello to the future... She very much reminds us of her mom’s older sister, Auntie MS, who would strike a pose as soon as a camera was brought out. She shares much in common with her auntie.

TF, by contrast is a man of few words but when he does speak or more accurately when he acts, you know there is something very clever behind that handsome face of his, probably the result of a cranium size in the 80 percentile among his peers, his doctor declares. TF has a wide face, the same brown eyes as his sister, both arc slightly downward at the two extremes another feature he shares with his sister and both share with their dad. While his sister’s chin comes to a point in a slightly “V” shaped, his is a “U” with its arms pried apart at the top. He too has a high forehead that gives way to a head of brown hair a little lighter than his sister’s. It’s being lightened by exposure to the Southern California sun. Dressed in khaki shorts, a Hawaiian shirt, and sandals you can see the surfer dude he’ll one day become. His thin lips cover his baby teeth, both lorded over by a 2-year-old’s pug nose.

I put the phone on speaker as IM comes back into the room and we both ask for an update on the latest with the grandkids. RF starts by relating the latest installment in getting AF to sleep properly. AF has always had a hard time settling down at night. She is not content with her own company. From the time she was an infant, she has had to have a DVD continuously playing in her room while she sleeps—Baby Einstein at first, now Sponge Bob and a large assortment of Disney videos. (I can think of no more insidious marketing monster than the Disney Company. It begins building brand loyalty from the time a child can focus its eyes and tune its ears to hear outside stimulus.) AF resembles her auntie MS in that way. When MS was a baby, I would spend a good hour or more every night getting her to doze off—it was our quality time together. (In retrospect, I was abetting her dependency.) IM and I speculate that both AF and MS need continuous stimulation.

I think the techno-nerds I grew up with and their progeny have created a generation of kids that for lack of a better word have become stimulation-addicted. They require music playing or the television playing when they are doing some other activity, reading a book, typing away on a computer, walking, running, exercising, eating… A weekend getaway in a cabin without electricity would incur some serious withdrawal symptoms. Certainly, AF and her auntie MS fall into that category—as does MS oldest daughter ES. Curiously, all of them are first children, could that also be a factor? As a first born, I certainly craved stimulation from radio, television and movies—though we lacked the 24/7 access common today—TV stations would shut down at midnight. TF and his cousin JS don’t seem to suffer the addiction to the same degree. Both can immerse themselves in play with nothing else going on around them. Why is it that the later born children need less stimulation? Is it because the first born are their parent’s trial and error experiment in child rearing and the kid knows that the adults are clueless and have good reason to worry?

In an attempt to wean AF off her continuous-loop DVD dependency, RF describes putting a timer on the player hoping that after a couple of hours of endless play, AF would have drifted off into a deep enough sleep that she won’t realize that the stimulus is no longer there. But, in every instance, as soon as the player shuts off, AF wakes up asking for it to be turned back on. We keep speculating that AF is over stimulated and she’s learned that she has to have something always going on around her. Perhaps the great curse of modern times is that we’re teaching successive generations of children that life is to be lived 24/7. Or perhaps some of us like AF don’t want to spend much time sleeping because they are afraid they are missing something.

On the other hand, TF is one of those kids who are a blessing to his Mom when it comes to sleeping. First, he has always been the kind of kid you could put down in his crib and he would go to sleep without complaining—much like his mom. Both enjoy their own company. Now that he’s a bigger kid, he will go into his room at bedtime and fall asleep in no time. When he awakens he likes to lounge. Even as a baby, you would go into his room and find him lying on his back wide awake daydreaming for lack of better description. And if he’s not ready to get up, he’ll continue lounging. I’ve picked him up when he’s just woken up and he’ll lie peacefully in my arms until he’s lounged enough before full blown activity. It’s one of my favorite things to do as a grandfather.

From birth, you could tell TF gave the impression he was going to grow into a stout, big frame lad. One indication was his appetite and palate. He has always eaten a lot and when he started taking solid food, his diet was just about anything adults would eat, fruits, vegetables—even olives and garlic, salsa, fish, and the staple meat and potatoes. The one thing he loves but can’t have is dairy—cheese, whole milk, and ice cream. Watching him eat when he went on solid foods was a treat. He would take great delight in a mouthful of food, and when he wanted something especially, he would bang his hands to get more. Remarkably, when he’s sated, he stops eating. Now, he signifies by saying “all done.” And he means it. You can’t tempt him with anything else. What kind of kid is like that? Must be the excess of gray matter he possesses.

RF relates stories that shed light on TF’s relationship to his older sister and provides insight into his nature. One day last week RF says the two of them were inside on a beautiful sunny day and she finally asked the two of them if they didn’t want to go outside and play. Both say yes and she tells them both to put their shoes on. TF complies but AF become petulant and refuses. A classic mother-daughter stand off occurs. TF sensing the tension between the two, dashes up the stairs to his sister’s bedroom saying out loud “Ana’s shoes, Ana’s shoes.” Finding them he comes back down the stairs and places them in front his sister. His mother is beside herself with pride in her young caring son. AF on the other hand pitches a fit. Unfortunately, he chose the wrong side in the battle and had to suffer his sister’s wrath. To her defense she normally doesn’t hurt his feeling in this manner. She’s usually in a good mood and divine more devilish ways of upsetting the little guy. Asked why she was so mean to her brother, she replied that it was must be because she was sleepy.

Our conversation is interrupted abruptly by a customer. RF is beside herself happy to have some work for the rest of the morning. We ring off wishing her good luck.